drunkenpandaren: (Greatestsceneever)
drunkenpandaren ([personal profile] drunkenpandaren) wrote2006-10-31 11:43 am

Non-Midnight Postings and Jackness

I tend to update the ol'blog every night after midnight. Huh, fancy that. Well this time it's not, it's before lunch so that I suppose helps.
Akino and Ryan have seen this already but I'm going to post what I have of the newest Pirate-inspired crackiness entitled Pirates of the Caribbean: Pirates vs Ninjas - A Jack Tale onto the blog thus far.

“Jack Sparrow…”

“Captain, CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow,” Jack muttered to himself under his breath, enunciating his title of Captain. In theory, this shouldn’t happen, but when you work with Portuguese traders who are in reality, pirates looking to backstab you and take the money while you’re left to rot on the gallows, one should always keep a backup plan.

Jack wiggled his fingers. Still loose; the rope holding them together was shoddy, coarse but still strong in a multitude of bonds. The official at the front of the gallows was still speaking, reading off that damned list that kept following him everywhere he went, till one of the mentions came to attention.

“… Wanted by the East India Trading Company, and eluding six official men of the Company,” announced the stuffy looking official.

“I beg to differ,” called out Jack, bringing to a halt of the announcements. “There were seven, and they were AGENTS of the Company, NOT actual men of the company.”

The man looked at him curiously and then lifted the parchment to speak once more, but Jack, sensing an opening, cut him off. “Aren’t you curious to know why there is such a discrepancy in your records kind sir?”

Attention gathered, the man lowered the parchment and said, “Indeed.”

The crowd murmured. Not often was a wanted and condemned man able to correct a mistake on his black record, and not nearly as often as a yarn was spun to get out of one. But Jack Sparrow had stayed the executioners hand, and thus Jack intended to use it to the fullest of his potential.

“You see, fine gentlemen and ladies, there were seven agents of the East India Trading Company, hired muscle for them for me to keep such a terrible secret of theirs from leaking out. Of course they tried to silence me, by bringing out the pirates most mortal of enemies: a NINJA.”

The people murmured at the unfamiliar word and Jack smiled, ivory and gold. He had them. Now it was a matter of time before he got loose.

====

Pirates of the Caribbean: Pirates vs. Ninjas - A Jack Tale

Written by Shaun Garin

Pirates of the Caribbean is owned by Disney and produced by Director Jerry Bruckheimer.

====

Of course, everyone has heard of the East India Trading Company. Set up in the year of our King of England, it’s purpose is to trade spices and cloth with the good nations of Greater Asia. Now it was on one of our routine travels to Singapore, that we were diverted by a storm. The storm raged for countless days, the Black Pearl was buffered for hours on end.

The storm, nay, a typhoon by many people’s standards, raged for three days and nights, until finally on the fourth day, the sun broke through and we were prepared to set anchor. Our crew exhausted, and our supplies low, we hobbled into port of a most peculiar land known as Nippon.

No stranger to the lands myself, for as a cabin boy I had once sailed to these lands under the command of Commodore Witcombe, a most fine and upstanding Commodore of his time, routed the crew into landing at one of the illustrious ports.

Nippon, might I add is a fine, upstanding country. It’s people are friendly, and the land free and fresh of pollution. The trees glow like the sun, but pink in the colour when we landed that weary morning, and I knew that we would be welcome in the port, no matter what we needed.


“You can't moor your giant boat there! It's five thousand to moor the boat there! Get that boat out of the way, go on, get!”

Jack looked over at Gibbs who merely shrugged. He didn’t understand a word of the fast-paced language that the man was yelling and gesturing towards the battered Pearl. “Er… me boat, broke, typhoon, we off course, stay, savvy?” enunciated Jack, making motions to enunciate his intent.

“You stupid foreigner, get the hell away from our docks! Either pay for the fee, or go! Go on now, go!”

Jack blinked and then reached into his pocket for a small pouch. Emptying three shillings, he handed it to the man who looked at them curiously. “Money. To spend. Yes?”

The Nipponese man stared at it blankly and Jack grinned, flashing gold as he clapped the man on the shoulder. “Good man! Mr. Gibbs, sally up the men, we’re going shopping!”

As Jack wandered away and Gibbs in the other direction, the Nipponese man sighed, pocketed the money and said in broken English, “Damn European.”

====

After the polite man allowed us to moor and be on our merry way, I stopped in at a local tavern of the sort. It was one of those upscale restaurants that you find in cheery old London, nice, clean, great clientele…

Jack sidestepped a man who went hurling out the door, skidded ten feet and crashed into a watering hole. The man was yelling at a slender looking woman in a kimono and she was yelling back.

…really great people. They’re so polite these Asians.

Stepping into the restaurant, I was immediately sat at the table by a delicate woman. Her dress was one of those oriental fashions, a kimono, dressed in layers. Her dress carried a picture of an English sparrow, something that tickled my fancy as I was sat down to her polite help.


“You is Englishman, you come here? Feh,” remarked the woman who had hurled the other man out bodily. “You pay for food, not come here and bother me, yes?”

“Quite all right my lady,” said Jack smoothly, “I come bearing English coin and gold pieces.”

The woman took a piece from his hand and bit on it. “Is good. Kuwabara, fetch tea for this man! Now!”

At the elegant prompting of the woman, I was able to taste some of their delicacies of the East. That was when the men of the East India Trading Company wandered into the room.

Three in all, the first looked like he was hewn from stone with a strong jaw and muscles that defied the titans. The second was weedy, but he carried a rapier at his side and his moustache twirled about like a Frenchman as his poise suggested a fencer at heart. And the third was lanky, nothing more than a child at best, but he had keen eyes. I waved to them, and they nodded to me, acknowledging a fellow man of the sea.


“It’s him, isn’t it?” whispered the third, the kid who was carrying the men’s rifles. “I saw him on the wanted posters back at headquarters. That’s Jack Sparrow.”

“Don’t be daft child,” grumped the second, shaking his head. “Sparrow wouldn’t show his face in these parts again, not with Lord Beckett patrolling these waters.”

“But I’m telling you it’s him,” said the fresh-faced kid and Jack tried to hide discretely behind his meal.

“Come off it laddie, there’s no way that a wanted man in the East is here, dining at this shanty,” said the first.

“But look how he’s trying to hide behind his meal,” insisted the third and Jack took it as an opportunity to turn his head and hail the flustered looking Nipponese woman. “Look!”

“Bah,” said the first. “Ye too uptight laddie. In the East, you have to relax, take your time and look around, ya?”

The three men went to a back room where they were obviously served, and Jack held up his hand. “I’ll take this to go. Meal was wonderful. Thousand blessings.”

And then he bolted.

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