It Could Always Be Worse-ER - Justice League/PR Crossover

[drunkenpandaren]

It Could Always Be Worse-Er

Written by Shaun Garin

All characters belong to their respective creators.


Wonder Woman and Patriot Man Issue 1


The hot amazon prodded Tommy Oliver with a stick.

Said Tommy Oliver groaned and focused his eyes on the hot amazon. He was delirious from swimming for hours on end so he wouldn’t have said anything stupid. Like he was about to do so now.

“Hey beautiful… can I get your phone number?”

SMACK.


“A man washed up on shore. He’s clearly from the outside world…”

“Obviously,” put in one of the amazons.

“But has the build of a fighter.”

“Interesting,” said Hippolyta, queen of the amazon people. “And what of his devices?”

“They seem to be gifts from the gods,” said the lead amazon, holding his Zeonizers in both hands. “He summoned them in a flash of red light, but we incapacitated him before he did harm.”

“And of the man?”

“We have clapped him in irons. He clearly is out of his mind, speaking of ancient beasts and a creature he calls Mesogog.”


“Are they even feeding you?” said Diana.

“Depends. Can you let me use my fingers?” said Tommy, wiggling his fingers, trying to get feeling in them.

Diana frowned a little. “For a man from the outside world, you are quite interesting Oliver.”

“Tommy,” corrected Tommy. “Or Doctor if you will.”

“A doctor of what?”

“Palentology.” At her confused expression, he explained. “I study dinosaur bones.”

“So the great beasts you speak of… are these… dinosaurs?” inquired Diana. “Tell me more.”


“We will release the man, but only on one condition,” said Hippolyta, addressing her warriors. “There will be a tournament held to declare an ambassador to man’s world.”

“Can I just, um, interject here?” said Tommy, raising his hand. “Hi, yes. Man here. I was hoping that I could at least decide for myself?”

“This is the womans world, and not of the mans,” said the queen, boring an icy-gaze at him. Surprisingly, Tommy didn’t flinch, or even look away. “… very well. Release him. And prepare him for the fights. We will meet his challenge.”

“What did you do?” hissed Diana as Tommy was released from his shackles and offered his bracelets. “You cannot fight, you are a man of science!”

“Man of science yeah. But I’ve got a history.”

The first woman stepped up and sneered at him. He bowed in a martial stance and slid into it.

“BEGIN!” exclaimed the queen and the pair spun into action. Fists flew and legs kicked out, and in a surprising move, the girl was struck under the chin by a spinning kick that somersaulted the doctor around, landing in a crouch.

“First strike! Next contestant!”

The woman gazed at him with an unreadable expression as another one, top heavy with pale skin stepped up. “Impressive man, but not enough.”

“We’ll see.” Said Tommy as he renewed the fight to the sound of trumpets.


“That is the ninth,” called out the herald as she limped off the field. Tommy was breathing hard and even Hippolyta was impressed. The man was a master of the martial skill, but it was tempered by signs of REAL experience. As in “fight or die”. Where did a man like that gain such skill?


“Diana, you are up,” said Hippolyta and Diana nodded.

Stepping in front of the heavily breathing man, she eyed him. “You’re tired. Shouldn’t you bow out?”

“Nope,” replied Tommy with a slight grin. “Bring it on Di.”

“BEGIN!”


The fight had stretched into five minutes. Ten. Fifteen. And twenty. At the twenty five mark, Tommy looked worse for wear while Diana was breathing heavily. “You are… incredibly skilled,” panted Diana, taking a moment to breathe.

“Same… to you,” panted Tommy.

To think an amazon couldn’t even defeat one doctor after an entire hour and a half of fighting successive enemies. “That is enough,” said Hippolyta but it was too late. The pair were charging in for the final blow.

As Diana swung in, Tommy leaped into the air and did something that most people would believe inhuman. He leaped, seemingly hovering there before declaring, “Zeo Five Power Kick!”

And he shot forward like a cannonball and Diana blocked it.

THOOM.

The entire place lit up in a hurricane of magic, white and red as the pair strained against each other before separating for the final blow.

“ENOUGH!” commanded Hippolyta, holding both of their arms. “That is enough. And most impressive young man. You managed to lay a blow on my daughter.”

Raising her voice, she commanded, “This man, has fought well, defeating shield-sister and warriors alike. I commend Diana of Thermysceria to accompany Dr. Thomas Oliver to the world of man.”


“Invisible Jet. I want one of these,” said Tommy as they landed on the outskirts of Reefside in the forest.

“Such a dreary looking forest,” said Diana, stepping out of the jet as Tommy shouldered his ruined jacket. “Is that your home?”

“Yeah it is.” And fumbling for his key, he failed to locate it. “Um, you mind…?”

Diana twisted the doorknob and ripped it out of the door.

“Thanks.”

Pushing the door open, a soft klaxon could be heard from deep beneath the floor and Diana frowned. “What is that…?”

“FREEZE!” exclaimed a loud voice and the pair spun. “tommy…?” said Hayley.

“Hi Hayley. If this is a bad time-WHOA!” And the man was hugged by the woman, tackled to the couch.

“Friend of yours?”

“Yes,” coughed Tommy, “But not as affectionate!”


“Coast Guard reported that the island sank,” said Hayley as Tommy had showered and changed into better clothing. “And you landed on an island… full of immortal women…”

“Yeah.”

Hayley shook her head. “Only you Tommy. Only you.”

He made a face. “I’m not that bad…”

“Tommy, you’re a mess. LOOK AT YOU!”

He looked at his green shirt, red shorts and white socks. “You look like a Christmas tree,” said Hayley.


“Man’s world has certainly strange clothing,” said Diana as she stepped out into the light pulling on one of Tommy’s oversized shirts. It was a little big on her, but she was much more broad in the shoulder and other areas than Hayley was. “Now what?”

“Now we… Tommy what’s wrong?”

Tommy was groaning as he held his head. “Something’s… calling to me… I…”

Diana groaned as she leaned forward. The pair looked at each other. “To the jet,” said Tommy.

“Tommy wait, you’re not leaving are you?” said Hayley.

“I’ll explain when I get back!” called out Tommy as the jet fired up.


“Hey Bats, I think you dropped this,” said Flash as he appeared carrying Batman’s wing that had been blown off by the martians.

Batman gave him a LOOK and Flash put it down before turning around. “Oh hello…”

“You know she can kick your butt, Flash?” said Tommy, folding his arms.

Flash blinked. “Who brought the civilian here?”

“I did,” said J’onn fading into view. “And he is no civilian. He is a famous defender of this world.”

Tommy nodded as he twisted his wrist and held it out for everyone to see. The reactions were varied. Mostly askance of what it meant. With a sigh, he proclaimed, “It’s Morphin Time! Zeo Ranger Five RED!”

The replies to THAT were varied too. But more in a wider ranger.

“One of Zordon’s chosen!” breathed Hawkgirl. “I’m impressed!”

“They’re famous across the galaxy!” exclaimed John, Green Lantern.

“Weren’t you Green once?” demanded Batman.

“I used to write stories about you…” muttered Superman.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were empowered by the gods?” demanded Diana.


“So do you still have your giant battle mech?” asked Flash.

“Haven’t used them in ages,” replied Tommy as he, John and Flash took on the giant drilling reactor thing. “You think I should?”

“Well the first one we tried throwing into the sun, so have at it,” said John.

“Super Zeo Zord Five, DESCEND!”

There was nothing for a long moment and then as soon as Flash began to tap his feet, a huge battle mecha materialized. “There we go.”

“I want one,” said Flash. “I want one like burning.”

“Maybe for Christmas,” said John, patting the Flash on the shoulder.


“To be honest, I didn’t know I could still teleport,” said Tommy as he and Batman teleported out of the Chamber of Death and into safe haven.

Batman grunted and set to work, locating the base of operations. “They’ve undoubtedly captured our companions. We should rescue them, and blow their base away. Do you have your giant mech with you?”

“Can’t go anywhere without it. You have a plan?”

Batman nodded. “I’m going to need to borrow it.”


The alien commander was shoving tentacles deep into J’onn Jonzz’s flesh. Soon he would crumble, and the world would be theirs!

“Any last words?”

J’onn opened his mouth, the creature prepared to enjoy his tormented scream and…

“ZEO FLYING POWER KICK!”

Wait that wasn’t right. Oh look a wall.

Tommy landed after his mighty flying kick had slammed the leader into the opposite wall and he turned, drawing his Super Zeo Blaster and unloading into the generators. “Tommy!” exclaimed Diana, relieved as he ran over to catch her as she fell, not that he needed to do so.

“How did you manage to escape?” inquired John, re-energizing his ring.

“Zeo Crystal Teleport. Heads up, our ride is here!”

And the Super Zeo Zord Five tore a hole in the ceiling, ripping it completely off. “Duck,” said Batman in the cockpit as he unloaded the zords ordinance.

Which was a lot.


Tommy dragged himself back to Reefside with Diana in tow. Surrendering his bed to Diana, he collapsed on the couch and drifted off. Minutes later however, his phone rang and he groped for it. “Hello?”

“TOMMY OLIVER WHAT THE HELL!” exclaimed Trini with Jason laughing in the background.

Tommy realized he was not going to get sleep tonight.