drunkenpandaren (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
drunkenpandaren) wrote2008-03-19 12:10 pm
drunkenpandaren) wrote2008-03-19 12:10 pm
Ficcery
Just a little teaser for a one-shot fic that popped into my mind.
Sea Tale
Fandom: World of Warcraft
Summary: They sent a noob to bring back a legend. What they got was a daft sea captain and his motley crew of fishermen. A tale of rum, stupidity, pillaging, nakedness and the unauthorized use of a ROFLCOPTER.
“Y’know, this is the third time we’ve had to rescue you love. Don’t you think this is a SIGN that you should just let go of this daft mission and just sort of, y’know, GIVE UP?”
The naked woman hanging from the rafters glared at her rescuer who only replied with an amused smile. “Shut up, and get me down from here,” muttered the woman. “And find me my clothes!”
“Ah! About that. The murlocs ate them. Sorry. We did manage to find you this.” And her rescuer held up a pink thong. “S’all was left.”
Truer cursing could be heard from the room, loud and clear.
/break
15 Days Earlier
/break
“Baustei Mornstar?” inquired an accented and cultured voice. Precise Thalassian tones inflicted on it.
The man who was working the docks, coiling a line replied, “Depends on whose asking.”
The owner of the voice was a pretty young Blood Knight of Silvermoon, her armor shining and polished and the traditional polearm strapped to her back. “I have orders to bring you back to Orgrimmar. Your services are in need.”
The man named Baustei simply went about his work, drawing a fine bead of irritation from the woman. “Sir, I hope you didn’t want me to repeat myself,” she replied in a low, dangerous tone.
“So they send a whelp to pull an old sailors rag like me into the Outland squabbles eh?” inquired Baustei as he swept his hair back from his eyes. Glancing up at the woman who now held her weapon in her hands, he snorted. “Best put that away love, unless you intend to really do your target harm. And before the Goblins put you six feet under for trying it.”
Indeed, a couple of Booty Bay Bruisers were eyeing her. One of them made a show of yawning, bearing the large spiked club worn at his side. Hesitantly, the woman put her weapon away.
“Sir, I really must insist you come along,” said the woman. “The council…”
“Can go to the Twisting Nether,” finished Baustei, a shocked expression working its way across the woman. “They didn’t really think that I was going to come quietly, not after they threw me out for voicing me opinions now can it?” Sighing, he picked up the rope and threw it into his ship. “Look missy, I dunno who you THINK y’are but I’m not about to take orders from a Pally who thinks she’s on top of the world for bein’ on top of ‘er claass, savvy?”
The woman blinked rapidly at the sudden turnabout. How did he know that she was on top of her class? “But, but--” she sputtered.
Baustei sighed, rubbing his forehead in irritation. “Look miss, I’ll give y’a shot. I want you t’hit me as hard as you can.”
“What?”
“I want you to hit me as HARD as you can. Fancy?”
The woman debated and then heaved with a strike that would have pulverized stone. Baustei caught it and she gasped as her fist had pressure applied to it in a vice grip before he let go. “What was that all about?” she demanded, wringing her hand.
“Children,” snorted Baustei. “Look love, I’m not about to become an errand boy for the Elves anymore. I’ve got me ship to take care of, and I’m about to sail north. If y’can convince me to do so, you’re welcome aboard.”
The woman sighed, rubbing her temples. “Fine. But we must make haste.”
“Only IF you convince me,” said Baustei, throwing a smelly pile of clothing at her which she caught with no amount of disgust. Fish scales clung to it and he grinned roguishly. “Welcome to the Singing Maiden love.”
“It’s Raquel Heartsun of the Blood Knights,” protested Raquel but Baustei waved it off. “What am I supposed to do with this?”
“Wear them. Use them. We’re fishermen, not prancing oafs in armor,” replied Baustei. “Get changed and meet me below deck. I’m gonna introduce you to me crew.”
Briefly Raquel wondered what she was getting into as she tried to find some private place to slip out of her form-fitted armor and into the clothing that hadn’t seen a washboard in ages.
/break
“I thought you woulda bailed by now,” remarked Baustei as Raquel stepped down into the ships hold where a few men sat around a table. “Gentlemen, this is Raquel. She’ll be trying t’convince me to come back.”
“Good bloody luck in that,” said the thickly accented dwarf. “Drav Ironhand, ships cook. Oi, Shortstack, pony up! Four kings.”
“Two pair,” replied Shortstack, putting down four aces to which Drav sputtered. The Tauren, inexplicably named Shortstack scooped up his gold. “Again?”
“ACH!”
The final member of the motley crew was a blue-skinned, blue-haired Troll who was hunched over in the small hold, laughing. “E’got ya there mon,” he chuckled. Blinking towards Raquel, he leered openly at her boobs. “Hello there,” he said, staring at them.
“My eyes are up here,” snapped Raquel angrily.
“Ya mon, but y’chest is much more interesting,” grinned the blue-haired troll. “I be San‘jul of the Bloodrinkers.”
“You’re from the accursed tribes of Tanaris?” exclaimed Raquel, horrified at being so close to someone who would probably eat her in her sleep.
“Ya mon,” grinned San’jul. “You be tasty lookin’.”
~~WHAM!~~
Flying headlong into the hull, San’jul lay there, dazed as the dwarf had punched him from where he had sat previously, the clenched fist retracting itself into his outstretched arm. “Enough o’that!” snorted Drav. “Th’ wee missy don’t know a joke when she see it! And oi, Shortstack, stop hiding!”
The Tauren had hid himself behind a pillar, two huge shoulders and horns sticking out from behind the skinny pillar. “How did you see me?” whined Shortstack as he stepped out from behind the pillar. “I thought my vanish worked that time!”
Confused, Raquel turned to look at Baustei who grinned. “Shortstack thinks he’s a rogue,” he stage-whispered. “In any case, we should get going. Where’s Miriam?”
“Ach, she said she had some things t’take care in UC,” snorted Drav. “She hearthstoned home for the weekend.”
“Okay then, we’ll pick her up at the usual place.”
Sea Tale
Fandom: World of Warcraft
Summary: They sent a noob to bring back a legend. What they got was a daft sea captain and his motley crew of fishermen. A tale of rum, stupidity, pillaging, nakedness and the unauthorized use of a ROFLCOPTER.
“Y’know, this is the third time we’ve had to rescue you love. Don’t you think this is a SIGN that you should just let go of this daft mission and just sort of, y’know, GIVE UP?”
The naked woman hanging from the rafters glared at her rescuer who only replied with an amused smile. “Shut up, and get me down from here,” muttered the woman. “And find me my clothes!”
“Ah! About that. The murlocs ate them. Sorry. We did manage to find you this.” And her rescuer held up a pink thong. “S’all was left.”
Truer cursing could be heard from the room, loud and clear.
/break
15 Days Earlier
/break
“Baustei Mornstar?” inquired an accented and cultured voice. Precise Thalassian tones inflicted on it.
The man who was working the docks, coiling a line replied, “Depends on whose asking.”
The owner of the voice was a pretty young Blood Knight of Silvermoon, her armor shining and polished and the traditional polearm strapped to her back. “I have orders to bring you back to Orgrimmar. Your services are in need.”
The man named Baustei simply went about his work, drawing a fine bead of irritation from the woman. “Sir, I hope you didn’t want me to repeat myself,” she replied in a low, dangerous tone.
“So they send a whelp to pull an old sailors rag like me into the Outland squabbles eh?” inquired Baustei as he swept his hair back from his eyes. Glancing up at the woman who now held her weapon in her hands, he snorted. “Best put that away love, unless you intend to really do your target harm. And before the Goblins put you six feet under for trying it.”
Indeed, a couple of Booty Bay Bruisers were eyeing her. One of them made a show of yawning, bearing the large spiked club worn at his side. Hesitantly, the woman put her weapon away.
“Sir, I really must insist you come along,” said the woman. “The council…”
“Can go to the Twisting Nether,” finished Baustei, a shocked expression working its way across the woman. “They didn’t really think that I was going to come quietly, not after they threw me out for voicing me opinions now can it?” Sighing, he picked up the rope and threw it into his ship. “Look missy, I dunno who you THINK y’are but I’m not about to take orders from a Pally who thinks she’s on top of the world for bein’ on top of ‘er claass, savvy?”
The woman blinked rapidly at the sudden turnabout. How did he know that she was on top of her class? “But, but--” she sputtered.
Baustei sighed, rubbing his forehead in irritation. “Look miss, I’ll give y’a shot. I want you t’hit me as hard as you can.”
“What?”
“I want you to hit me as HARD as you can. Fancy?”
The woman debated and then heaved with a strike that would have pulverized stone. Baustei caught it and she gasped as her fist had pressure applied to it in a vice grip before he let go. “What was that all about?” she demanded, wringing her hand.
“Children,” snorted Baustei. “Look love, I’m not about to become an errand boy for the Elves anymore. I’ve got me ship to take care of, and I’m about to sail north. If y’can convince me to do so, you’re welcome aboard.”
The woman sighed, rubbing her temples. “Fine. But we must make haste.”
“Only IF you convince me,” said Baustei, throwing a smelly pile of clothing at her which she caught with no amount of disgust. Fish scales clung to it and he grinned roguishly. “Welcome to the Singing Maiden love.”
“It’s Raquel Heartsun of the Blood Knights,” protested Raquel but Baustei waved it off. “What am I supposed to do with this?”
“Wear them. Use them. We’re fishermen, not prancing oafs in armor,” replied Baustei. “Get changed and meet me below deck. I’m gonna introduce you to me crew.”
Briefly Raquel wondered what she was getting into as she tried to find some private place to slip out of her form-fitted armor and into the clothing that hadn’t seen a washboard in ages.
/break
“I thought you woulda bailed by now,” remarked Baustei as Raquel stepped down into the ships hold where a few men sat around a table. “Gentlemen, this is Raquel. She’ll be trying t’convince me to come back.”
“Good bloody luck in that,” said the thickly accented dwarf. “Drav Ironhand, ships cook. Oi, Shortstack, pony up! Four kings.”
“Two pair,” replied Shortstack, putting down four aces to which Drav sputtered. The Tauren, inexplicably named Shortstack scooped up his gold. “Again?”
“ACH!”
The final member of the motley crew was a blue-skinned, blue-haired Troll who was hunched over in the small hold, laughing. “E’got ya there mon,” he chuckled. Blinking towards Raquel, he leered openly at her boobs. “Hello there,” he said, staring at them.
“My eyes are up here,” snapped Raquel angrily.
“Ya mon, but y’chest is much more interesting,” grinned the blue-haired troll. “I be San‘jul of the Bloodrinkers.”
“You’re from the accursed tribes of Tanaris?” exclaimed Raquel, horrified at being so close to someone who would probably eat her in her sleep.
“Ya mon,” grinned San’jul. “You be tasty lookin’.”
~~WHAM!~~
Flying headlong into the hull, San’jul lay there, dazed as the dwarf had punched him from where he had sat previously, the clenched fist retracting itself into his outstretched arm. “Enough o’that!” snorted Drav. “Th’ wee missy don’t know a joke when she see it! And oi, Shortstack, stop hiding!”
The Tauren had hid himself behind a pillar, two huge shoulders and horns sticking out from behind the skinny pillar. “How did you see me?” whined Shortstack as he stepped out from behind the pillar. “I thought my vanish worked that time!”
Confused, Raquel turned to look at Baustei who grinned. “Shortstack thinks he’s a rogue,” he stage-whispered. “In any case, we should get going. Where’s Miriam?”
“Ach, she said she had some things t’take care in UC,” snorted Drav. “She hearthstoned home for the weekend.”
“Okay then, we’ll pick her up at the usual place.”